...I think not.
Actually it seems like life is just full of coincidences, but also our brain tends to make connections with abstract things. It's how we can see shapes or figures in the clouds when it's merely just a cloud. It just seems a lot of correlation from my memories and thoughts tend to influence my present and what happens. Although not in the ways I wish but just little things. Like lately I've been thinking a lot about Kingdom Hearts even though I still haven't even played any of the games, and I just realized they announced the newest mix or whatever it is called.
Just makes me think that I should probably play them haha. Then I think to myself that I want to play Age of Mythology a bit more since I have a huge hankering for nostalgia dose. Which oddly enough is the only Age of Empires game I really enjoyed but I think now that if I played any other versions of the franchise I'd deeply enjoy them since I'm a fascinated by past cultures/civilizations. Which often leads me to think I should pursue a career in anthropology or something...but I still think I should stick with a zoologist degree. Although I feel like both of those degrees get dumped on by people around me. Mostly the anthropology one though
. But I do suppose it sounds cooler that I want to research animals that need to be better documented then to document long lost civilizations that we *sometimes* find, and probably loose quite a few to constructions of new buildings and such. Then there are just some that are so far in a dense forest that they are lost to time and people. XD But I don't think I'll be migrating to South America just for that
. I'd rather immigrate to PNG. Since it just makes more sense to me plus I don't think I can learn Spanish to save my life, I have to much of a gringa accent. Besides PNG is always on my mind, it's not helped by the fact that my lanyard for my keys has Papua New Guinea written all over it, I take my bilum to work, and when I'm feeling lonely or just somewhat homesick I just throw on one of my meri-blouses and dance to myself quietly. And if I'm alone I'll sing parts of Meri Lewa to myself with my cracking voice haha.
Anyways, I am often puzzled by how often I am relating to Smallville. Then again it's a pretty basic plot of anything can be relatable in the sense of a teenage drama...even if I'm not an alien I can still feel different from my peers and wish deeply that I could be like them but know that I can not...at least not to day. Maybe sometime in the future but the future looks sleek. Moment by moment the future is fine but looking down the long and winding road it just gets this gal down. Perhaps I am doomed just to have momentary delight but can't withstand a long term thing unless it has my death or other people's deaths in the balance haha. How selfish of me :/ . All I do know is that I felt rather stupid after watching an episode of Smallville and once it was over I just yelled to myself "I wish I was normal!". Then thought of myself as rather stupid since at least I don't have superpowers making me something "too different", but I guess I have the normal nice human skin which is nice?
I also feel like adding that I have finally been able to play Goat Simulator since I bought it a few months back and it is quite fun although the controls are a bit hard for me...but that might be more that the desk for the keyboard is at an annoying angle. The game did induce a nightmare a couple nights ago, due to the human sacrifice I believe, I was being controlled by this demon. Tall black figure, bat wings, and red eyes...because my imagination is so original haha. It's such a horrible feeling being told what to do against your will and having little to no choices in your life. Haha, I sound like an angsty teenager
ah how things don't change. But I guess I'm glad to say it wasn't that to horrible since my real nightmares wake me up with a pounding chest and mild hyperventilating. Those ones tend to feel so real, yet I know in the back of my mind they aren't real but I don't want to argue since there might be a chance it's real so I just miserably wait to wake up.
There is one dream I wish I could have once more, it was such a random dream but the main subject of the dream is all that mattered. I got to hold his hand. I finally let myself reach out to him. I woke myself up just so that I could keep him from letting go only to inevitable let go of him. Yet I could still feel the warmth of his hand if it were real. :/ No quiera dejar ir? Mi no save.
Ah! I also must add that I don't know how one could be a hermit. I'm barely living at the moment with my lack of friends yet somehow I'm still going...like a mindless drone...making no progress...I keep almost having something then it's just tumbles over like a game of Jenga. I do not want to live like this anymore.